I am writing this entry to let out the ideas that bouncing around my head like a pin ball machine gone haywire. 

I began thinking about what I want to do with my life.  Do I really want to be in staffing.  Is that what would make me happy.  Is that what would fulfill my dreams?  My first instinct was to say “NO” of course not who dreams to do staffing sales?  No one I am guessing.  So then I asked myself well what is it I really want to do.  My next thought was obviously I want to play basketball.  That has been my dream since I was a young child watching Michael Jordan do his thing.  I then started planning how I would quit my job and move to Puerto Rico to play in the League over there for a couple of years and then move to Europe to play ball over there than finally, if everything falls into place I would make an NBA roster and live out my dream.  Even if i rarely played significant minutes.  Just making it to the “L” was enough. 

Then I started to analyze deeper.  Why do I want to be an NBA player.  I don’t personally know any NBA players.  I don’t know how happy any of them really are with their life choices once it is all over.  So why am I so attracted to that profession?

Then I started thinking maybe it is the fame, but I really don’t like people invading my privacy too much.  I can be very standoffish at times. 

Maybe it is the money, but there is other professions that I can make just as much money over my lifetime as the average basketball player makes (including the one I am in right now).  But those professions don’t interest me as much. 

Then finally I thought maybe it is the respect and the recognition.  The reverence there is when people talk about you. “You know Jesse made it to the NBA.” “Man that is crazy he worked so hard and is so good.”  Then I thought “Yea that is what it is.”  But then I thought why do I want the respect of other people?  To carry on my father’s name of course.  So really what I want is to earn my father’s name.  To earn his respect.  But my father isn’t alive so who’s respect am I really fighting for?  My own?

Fighting to prove to myself that I am worthy of the sacrifice he made.  The sacrifice my mother made to put me in the position I am in today. 

So what would quitting my job and running to Puerto Rico to chase a dream I am unsure if I really want prove?  That I am just quitting once again.  Like most things I have done in my life.  When it gets too hard I run.  I say “it’s not for me,” “I am not meant for this,” Or “this doesn’t make me happy.”  Without ever really giving it a real shot.  Greatness is a process not an event that I have to achieve one step at a time.  This was made no clearer to me than this morning when I met with a potential client and asked them “explain for me what the best staffing company you have ever worked with did so well?”  She said to me that she learned the company, managers, and department “inside and out.”  I asked “how did she do that?”  She said she dedicated the time and effort to us and never gave up.  She said that account manager from TekSystems had been working that account for over 6 years and has obviously had her ups and downs within that account but she never gave up and now is in a position to have their respect as a consultant and not a staffing sales person.

That is what I want.  Success.