The Dream…

I just got off the phone with my cousin who texted me saying “I had a dream about your father.  Call me if you want to talk about it.”  For those who don’t know my father passed when I was two years old.  It has been a constant struggle to deal with growing up as I am sure it is for all people in my sitation.  He was also my cousin’s God Father.  Because of that reason me and her share a particularly close bond. 

When I called her she told me that my father shared the story of how he died and what happend and then he started talking to her about herself and her life and things she needs to do to find her happiness and her success.  Then he started talking about me.

He told her that he feels my sadness.  He feels that I am as sad as I have ever been in my life.  That I feel lost in the world and I am trying so hard to find myself but nothing seems to work.  He told her that I have to remain patient and go through what I am going through.  It will take time and it will be painful but it is happening for a reason.  To make me a better man and a better person.  He also said he knows I don’t believe in God but I have to talk to God.  God wants to hear from me.  He has been waiting to hear from me for a very long time.  He said he understands if I still don’t visit church but I still have to have my conversations with God and ask him for guidance.  He will help me, my father said, and all I have to do is ask.

As you can imagine it was a highly emotion phone call for me and my cousin.  We both cried and had trouble getting our words out.  It was another awakening.

The skeptic in me wants to dismiss the idea that my father’s spirit could possibly come to her in her sleep and share these kind of insights.  “These are probably things that I conveyed to her while talking about my situation and she was just smart enough to put two and two together,” was my first thought.  But what does that matter.  Does it really matter where the message came from?  Whether it was her subconscious desperately trying to find a way to reach out to me or if it was really a spiritual occurrence.  Either way the message is just as powerful and just as valid.

I have decided to have at minimum weekly conversations with God to discuss my spirituality and purpose and see where it goes from there.  I have to begin to fight the skeptic in me that refuses God and begin to accept the idea of a higher being into my heart.  This will be another great challenge that will be so much of a process as oppose to an event.  But it is a journey I am looking forward to take head on.

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One thought on “The Dream…

  1. Questioning whether there’s a God is one thing, but believing in a power greater than ourselves is somewhat different. I have given up asking questions that could not be answered on this particular subject, but I have not giving up on faith. (Faith being a belief that is not based on proof). My God lives within me, some people prefer to call it instincts or conscious. I believe it is my God speaking to me because every time I go against my “instincts” things tend to go awry. Jesse, I always had Faith that your father was your guardian angel and hoped that someday you could feel/see that connection. I’m glad he revealed that connection through our god daughter because you both have that bond that will be a part of you always.

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